Caribbean Pie
by SeriouslyWierd
Summary: A story about the Pirates of the Caribbean characters in high school in the modern day. Just a fun peice of writing I did a while back. Being editted and there WILL be more to come.
1. Detention!

Disclaimer: I sadly don't own Pirates of the Caribbean or any of the characters within this story, except for Miss Broom of course.

Summary: These are just stupid tales about characters from the film above and what they would be like in high school. Ok on to the fic!

**NOTE!** Some things may only be for the lighthearted. It's been almost three years… And my writing and grammar has improved, you'll be happy to know, so I thought I'd do a wee bit of editing. Thankee those who have reviewed this in the past.

Mwah x

**Jack Sparrow's First Day of School**

Jack Sparrow whistled merrily as he continued on his way to school, until he saw, Beth Shell. Jack then forgot all about his trip to school, and ran straight to Beth. "Hey love," He started as he looked down at Beth, then to her chest, "Fancy a bit of those, eh??" He grinned, as Beth gasped, and then slapped Jack around the face. "I didn't deserve that," Jack pouted as he rubbed his cheek. Beth then let out a low growl and stormed the other way. Jack shrugged, "What's her problem? He mumbled.

Meanwhile - When he **FINALLY** reached school.

Jack arrived to class, with red hand marks all over his face. While Will Turner, slapped his forehead in shame of Jack's unnecessary arrival. Jack grinned while he walked over to his desk, next to Will's. "Well, well, well. If it isn't the eunuch!" Jack implied as Will's face flushed red with anger. "For the LAST TIME! I am NOT A EUNUCH!" Will yelled. The teacher, Miss Broom, then darted her eyes to Will. "William Turner! What have I told you about shouting the word 'eunuch' in my classroom?" Jack then shook his head shamefully, as if he wasn't any part of it. "Willy, Willy, Willy. And I thought you were such a good little eunuch..." Will steamed up with rage. While Miss Broom was constantly blabbering on and on about some brainwashing junk about learning (and we know learning is not good for you! ). Will couldn't take it anymore, even steam blew out of his ears! As he yelled out at the top of his lungs, "SHUT UP!" Miss Broom stared out at Will in shock. "That's it! William Turner, you've got yourself an after school detention! And for God SAKES get a hair cut!"

Jack laughed out so much, he fell off his chair. Miss Broom darted her eyes at Jack. "That includes YOU, Jack Sparrow!" Jack stared out at Miss Broom in fake shock. "Me?" He asked, "What ever did I do? It was the eunuch!" He implied as he pointed to Will, who was rolling his eyes casually. Jack leapt away from his desk, and near to the window. "This is the day, you shall never forget, Miss Baboon. The day you ALMOST gave _soon_ to be Captain Jack Sparrow a detention!" He shouted proudly. Miss Broom sighed and shook her head, "Not this again..." She sighed again, while Jack grinned and jumped out of the window...into a Rubbish Truck. "Salam Su-." He shouted, but then passed out before he could finish his sentence because of the terrible smell of the Rubbish Truck.


	2. Dustbins and Kisses

Authors note: Thanks you guys for reading and reviewing! This was my first fic and you guy were all so nice, I thought I'd write another chapter. This one's a bit more serious, still got humour in it though! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean… Although I wish I did..

Summary: Summary: These are just stupid tales about characters from the two films above and what they would be like in high school. Ok on to the fic!

In the Canteen

Elizabeth Swan sat on a table in the lunchroom gossiping with her friends about random rumours they had heard that day. Norrington, Elizabeth's boyfriend came and sat down beside her as William walked past with a bin as he was on bin duty.

Will looked up from his dustbin and saw Elizabeth Swan, he had had a crush on her from the day they met but she was SO much more popular than him and he didn't think he had a chance. She smiled at him while giggling and he turned deep red and smiles sheepishly as Norrington trips him up on purpose, Will landed flat on his face covered in rubbish!

He looked around to see that everyone was laughing at him, even the Janitor at the back of the canteen who is pointing his finger at him laughing. "What a klutz that kid is! Ho ho!" He says laughing and just to make matters worse when everyone had stopped laughing so much Jack, who was also on bin duty shouted, "Eunuch, you done over there? Oh look! It's that girl you like! Will, you ok?" He shouted as everyone burst out laughing again, that was too much for Will he ran out of the room.

Elizabeth looked at Norrington who was still laughing. "I hope you feel better about yourself now!" She said and stormed off as Norrington looked puzzled and went, "What did I do? Elizabeth?"

-The Main Steps

Will sat outside on the steps, going over in his head what had just happened, _Why me? It's always me! Now I have an even smaller chance of being with Elizabeth then what I had before… _He shook his head just as a hand touched his shoulder, he whipped around and his mouth fell open as he realised it was Elizabeth. "I-I… Ms Swan!" He stuttered, she had probably come to say what a total loser he was…

"Are you alright?" Elizabeth asked, there was a look of concern in her eyes.

"I… sort of…" Will shrugged, he could feel the heat in his face rising.

"I apologise for my Boyfriends behaviour… He finds upsetting others funny." She explained, as Will cringed when she said boyfriend.

"It's alright. I'm used to things like that, Ms Swan…" Will mumbled, looking at his feet.

"Don't call me that!" Elizabeth snapped, Will looked up at her surprised.

"Sorry…" Will blinked, then looked directly at Elizabeth. Their eyes met, Elizabeth opened her mouth to say something, yet nothing came out. Will leaned in closer, Elizabeth could feel his warm breath, and she placed her hands on his shoulders as he placed one of his hands on her cheek. _I can't believe this is happening, I'm finally going to kiss Elizabeth Swan… Thank-you…"_Will thought to himself, their lips just a millimetre or two away.

"**Alright guys!**" Someone shouted.

Jack had just sprung in between them, a grin on his face, "Not disturbing you, am I?"

Will's face grew hot as he turned a bright red, both out of embracement, shame and anger. _No… No… I almost kissed her…But she's got a boyfriend … Jack… _A rush of thoughts came to Will's head as he opened his mouth to say something to Jack, but just then Elizabeth stood up off the steps, straightened up and turned to leave.

"Good day Ms Swan!" Will said to her, a look of annoyance spread over Elizabeth's face as she muttered, "Good day… Mr Turner." She then smiled to herself and walked back inside.

"She's a saucy one, ain't she, that Elizabeth?" Jack said, clapping his hands together, staring after her.

A look of utter loathing spread across Wills face, as his eyes narrowed and he clenched his fists.

"What?" Jack asked.

"You…" Will started, through gritted teeth.

"Well… Uh so sorry Will, but I gotta dash… See ya." Jack muttered quickly then turned and swept off, slightly scared of the expression that had come across Wills face.

Will rubbed his eyes, stood there for a minute by himself, then made his way up the stairs, when he was sure he heard the Janitor laughing. He looked around, shrugged and made his way inside…


	3. FieldRape and Soccer, Detentions in Tow

Authors Notes: Ok, so we haven't updated in months… But we've been busy, trying out new hairstyles and uh… watching paint dry. Um, anyway enjoy.

The very next day, Will came into school trying not be seen by anyone, especially Miss Swan. He was walking to gym class when he saw Elizabeth walking towards him, but it appeared she hadn't seen him. So looking up and down the deserted corridor to make sure no-one had seen him, he darted into a nearby locker.

Suddenly Jack came round the corner and kicked the locker which Will was concealed in, mumbling, "Not another detention, just cause I was caught boozing in class! And apparently being rude, I only told the fat old cow to shove that project up her giant arse."

Suddenly the locker Will was in fell over, just after Elizabeth walked past. "Ow!" Will said, as the locker door fell open. Elizabeth turned round and frowned, "Are you stalking me or something?" Then she made her way to Gym.

Will turned bright red AGAIN and was lost for words, as Jack peered over him and smiled. A few moments later, Will chased Jack down the corridor.

The class stood in their Gym outfits, as they were just about to play a game of soccer. The game kicked off, and Will found himself with a football, being chased Anna Maria, who had a vicious expression on her face, in fact Will swore he heard growling coming from her. Will was starting to get tired now, he looked just in front of him. Then he saw her, Elizabeth, with a faint light coming from behind her, everything seemed to slow, as a smile started to spread across his face. Then he got tackled from behind by Anna Maria, and would you believe it, bumped into Elizabeth and landed right on top of her. Will gaped as her looked down and saw her face gaping right back at him. Jacks voice seemed to be very far away, until he realised what was actually being said.

"RAPE! RAPE ON THE FIELD!" Jack was shouting as the class started to gather round.

Will blinked and stuttered, "S-sorry!"

Elizabeth frowned, and mumbled, "Could you… get off?"

But before Will had the chance to do so, he was grabbed by the scruff of his neck by none other than Norrington, twisted around and punched right in the nose. (How pleasant. He certainly isn't going to be smelling things for a while!) Will stumbled backwards and grabbed his nose, which was now numb.

"What do you think you're doing on my girlfriend!" Norrington barked, as Will felt all eyes bore into him.

"I… Fell… Didn't… Mean… To…" Will whimpered, then he looked to Anna Maria. "She pushed me!" He said.

"Oh, using her as a scape goat eh? Well here's what I think of that!" Norrington took another swipe at Will and this time hooked him round the mouth, making Will spit up some blood.

"Don't forget he tried to rape Elizabeth!" Jack mentioned, helpfully.

"Who's side are you on!" Will asked, desperately, just before getting another hook round the side of the face.

Suddenly Ms Broom, came waddling up to the class, clad in spandex. "You two! Up to Mr Gibbs office, immediately!" She ordered, as everyone shuddered at what she was wearing.

"HA!" Jack laughed.

"You as well Sparrow." She mentioned.

"…Oh…"

All three boys walked up to the Heads office. Mr Gibbs.


	4. Trouble

Authors note: Yes, it's been nearly 2 years, but uh here you go. Didn't realized how the R&R worked last time, I was but a mere child… But uh, I'm to start doing it so yes. Sorry to all of those who were expecting a review back, you'll get on though so don't worry.

"Ohh, _so_ good…ohh, baby," dribbled Principle Gibbs, scooping up a handful of lard, stolen earlier that day from the school Canteen, before devouring it. He closed his eyes, savouring the delicious, greasy, fatty taste… All the while listening to Lionel Richie.

"MR GIBBS!"

His eyes snapped open to find four people; Ms Broom, Will Turner, Jack Sparrow and Norbert Norrington. "I uhh… it's not wha' it looks like… I… Ok I admit it! I'm addicted ta eating lard! I 'ave a problem!" Gibbs burst out, eyes flailing wildly around the room, before landing on the spandex clad Ms Broom. "It's not natural to have THA' many stomachs…" Gibbs said slowly, a look of disgust creeping onto his face as he tried to block out the image of Brooms camel hoof.

"Erm HRM, if I may, Principle Gibbs, perhaps you should ask us why we're here?" Norbert asked, in a bored voice, before sweeping his finger along the wall, before observing much dust had gathered on his finger with disgust. "And may I ask why you've lit so many candles…"

"I… Uh was having some quality time with… my lard…" Gibbs explained, trying not the make eye contact with any of them.

"You mean your belly…" Jack asked, rummaging through the drawers, trying to find anything he could smoke, inject, drink or eat.

"NO! I mean my tub…" Gibbs replied speedily, as if it was much better than what Jack had suggested.

"Is this why there's been a shortage of chips in the canteen?" Will asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. That and Brooms been eating them… I mean… Why are you lot here…?" Gibbs asked, quickly changing the subject, before mopping the sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand.

"The Eunuch raped Elizabeth!" Jack shouted.

"Jack PLEASE. You mean WILL raped Elizabeth." Ms Broom corrected him.

"… then again, I'm not surprised; she was a nice piece of skirt…" Jack mumbled to Nobert.

"That's my GIRLFRIEND you're talking about, Sparrow!" Nobert snapped.

"GIRLFRIEND? YOU? Oh Christ, thought I saw you eyeing up that Gillette bloke in the shower the other day in Sports… but it's all right if you were, I mean, no one's gonna be mad at ya for being gay and all… you don't need to hide behind that little minx, now do ya?" Jack said in a matter-of-fact voice.

"I'm not GAY!" Norbert protested.

"Wait… Will, this true?" Gibbs asked, getting back to the point, once again.

"No, I didn't rape her, this is all a mistake, I swear! And anyway, how would I rape someone if I was eunuch?" Will asked, in a desperate voice.

"William, are you admitting to being a eunuch?" Ms Broom asked.

"No!" Will said, starting to get pretty confused himself.

"See, he's admitting to raping Elizabeth." Norbert claimed.

"Well, 'ave any of you got any evidence of what 'happened'?" Gibbs said, stroking his tub of lard beneath the desk.

"I… HE'S A EUNUCH!" Jack shouted, tackling Will.

"Case closed… Eunuch's can't uh… Well. Go home kids." Gibbs trailed off, tired of the little tiff.

"Thank God. Though' I'd be 'ere for ages… Ain't it great Willy? See, I knew you'd come out on top in the end…" Jack said, putting his arm around Will, who was beyond hitting him, as they walked out of the door, then down the corridor. "Oi, I'm 'avin a uh… Little get together tonight… Wanna come?" Jack asked Will, who just glared at him.

"No! Boys! You have DETENTION!" Ms Broom shrieked, waddling as fast as she could down the corridor after them, all four bellies wobbling in the process, followed by Norbert who strolled casually out of Gibbs' office, where the sound of the Lionel Richie continued to play.


End file.
